After listening to Kami Crawford’s recent episode on her podcast “Relationsh*t” (if you haven’t listened to it already, you really should), I went looking for the list I had written dated 13/08/2021 titled “mans” for the things that I wanted in a man and surprisingly (thankfully) manifested for myself (I’m not going to lie, I was a bit nervous when I first went looking for it).

So here is my list. The list which opened the doorway to my receiving the love that I 1000% deserve. The kind of love I know you are deserving of too.

“He will:

• Feel like he is my match: I will know that he is worthy of me, that we give and receive the same energy, I don’t ever want to secretly feel like he is punching.
• Have similar values to my own: this includes regarding relationships (like communication, reciprocity, honesty etc.), how tasks are shared, having children and what parenting looks like, spirituality, but also includes things like prioritising ourselves first and then our families etc.
• Be a good leader: he will be self-assured and confident. He will lead others, but also know how to follow. I have many roles where I lead and I want someone who I respect enough to follow at home and who I feel proud to walk beside
• Be self-aware: with a willingness to be accountable and check his own behaviour without shame. That if I raise concerns, he doesn’t turn it on me or victimise himself. Instead he is willing to learn, adapt and apologise if need be.
• Listen well or try to listen well. As someone who listens to others for a living, who also likes to tell stories which may be long but serve a purpose, someone actively listening, engaged and asking questions, makes me feel valued.
• Be enthusiastic about me: similar to the above, he has a vested and obvious interest in who I am and always wants to get to know me more; he doesn’t presume he knows everything.
• Value my opinion. I want someone who thinks of things I have said and gives them as much weighting as I do myself.
• Prioritise my pleasure: he is also not ashamed to take direction, he is willing to try new things, or use sex toys. In a culture that centres male pleasure, I want to be the one who is put first
• Be considerate and thoughtful: he will hold my things without asking or open doors for me etc. These are things that make me feel loved and respected.
• Make me laugh: which includes us being able to banter together. I am hilarious and I want someone that I think is hilarious too and who I can laugh with.
• See me for who I am: he will understand me as a person, including my motivations and see beyond the superficial. I want someone who sees my worth even if I make mistakes.
• Ensure I never feel confused about where I stand. If he is in love with me (as he should be), he will be clear and never make me feel confused about what we are or what he wants.
• Want a relationship: similar to the above, I want to be wanted. If I am ever in a situation where he is unsure then he is not for me.
• Be willing to earn my trust: he will acknowledge and be aware of the challenges I have with trust and even though he didn’t break it, he will be willing to earn it without it being a burden for him
• Enjoy playing board games or cards. I LOVE games, and so does my family. I want someone who has this similar interest so we can do it together and with people we care about. Added bonus if he can beat me.
• Be clean. I have been the housemaid for several men, I do not have the energy for that anymore. I want someone who will pick up my dirty clothes or clean the dishes or fold the washing. I know I will always end up helping too, but I just cannot and do not want to be the instigator and enforcer of this.
• Have his own goals and ambitions and be working towards them. I have my own goals and ambitions and for myself, it is important that someone else does too. It shows me that he is willing to put in hard work and effort for what he cares about.
• Be financially stable. Stemming from previous bad experiences, I need someone who I know can financially support themselves and does not need me to do it for them. It also implies that he can take care of himself, which means I won’t have to do it. Absolutely no scrubs.
• Take photos of me. Something about this tells me he is interested in me and makes me feel loved. I want cute, candid pictures that he thinks are amazing.
• Put in effort. I have expended so much energy on men, I honestly just do not have the capacity for that anymore. I need someone who organises dates, who takes me out, who goes out of his way, who invests in me without asking and because he wants to. It shows me how he values and loves me.
• Comfort me if I am sad. Self-explanatory and a bare minimum, but important considering previous experiences. Also noting that sometimes I have panic attacks and I cannot have someone who makes me more anxious or sad. I want someone who calms my nervous system”

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Tips for writing your manifestation list:

• Be intentional with everything
• Be intentional with the title – it is not a list of someone you will find, it is not just a list of your needs, it is a list of the qualities that you deserve to receive and which you will allow into your life
• Be intentional with when and how you write it – take time out of your day, give yourself time to think on what is important for YOU (not your mum, your grandfather, your family in general – what do YOU want and need), maybe even consider making it a date night for yourself
• Remove physicalities from the list: fit, tall, blue-eyed (putting out traits that society has paraded)- those are all unnecessary and do not speak to someone’s character. You risk being blinded by someone fitting your physical perception of “perfect” and missing how the person who will love and nourish your soul. The reality is, you will probably feel physically attracted to someone who displays the qualities on your list.
• Know that this list is flexible – you can absolutely add to it more later, you can re-review it, but if you have truly thought about everything you have written down properly, then you should never feel the need to remove something and I would seriously question why if you are (e.g. is it because someone you like is not fitting into it?)
• Someone who is for you does not actually have to fulfil all these qualities. It is a manifestation list, not a spell (or is it). My mans fit all of these – if I was being pedantic I would say except maybe the photos one – in my head they take photos of me all the time, he still does this, just not as often as I expected and it is completely minor in the scheme of things. Especially considering, he brings even more to the table that I didn’t consider, or that I remember wanting from someone at one point, but forgot was a possibility.
• Think of your manifestation list as a guide; both for the universe to funnel an abundance of love towards you, but also as a template for what you are ready and willing to allow yourself to receive.

Lastly, remember that you are deserving of a wonderful, beautiful, safe, and secure love. If you need a starting point, think of the kind of love you give to others and think of the kind of love you receive and appreciate from your closest friends or family – it may not be today or tomorrow, maybe it will take more time than expected, but that kind of love is absolutely possible.

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